“FIRST LIFE” is about exactly what it sounds like.
It’s about redefining success for yourself. Shedding the illusion of success, I created in my head. A toxic cycle of connecting my self-worth to the perceived value of my art or productivity.
It’s about capitalism, mortality, and desire. How can the pursuit of material success cost you your soul? A discussion about how all we want as humans is to be desired. Then fall into the cycle of desiring power.
It’s about re-birth.
I have always wanted to be a creative. I used to dream of the day when people could sit and experience what I had inside my head. That one day, my visions would manifest into reality.
After my show last year, I was left drained. In all the ways you can imagine. It felt like I took this big risk, all to make my life harder? Yes, my vision is out there, but if these shows aren’t sustaining a lifestyle of creating. Then, is it worth it? I felt so isolated and lost… I hit one of the lowest lows in my life.
How could doing something I love hurt so much? I realized last season I was so detached from my clothes. They were my designs, but I wasn’t as hands-on in the process of making the clothes as I wanted to be. I learned how to throw money at something and hope. Not how to love the process. I didn’t think I would be capable of making something with my hands worthy of hitting a runway.
This season, I wanted to commit to being hands-on with my clothes, to taking in the process step by step, making sure that the clothes truly have my soul in them. I had to get resourceful.
I competed in a two-day sewing competition in the midst of preparing for this show. And in it, I rediscovered a love for sewing. Then, I wanted to go to the community and work with local artisans. Take this opportunity to get to know them and to learn from them.
I learned how to ask for help. I started recording videos of myself so I could hear back my thoughts and almost have a pep talk with myself. Then one day… I said, “Let's share this with people and see if this journey can resonate with anyone.” I think a lot of creatives can relate to the feeling of being isolated or misunderstood in making their art. Creating art is a way to help people understand you and how you see the world. I wanted to connect with people in all aspects of my work.
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